A few thoughts on my President.

I've loved Obama since I first heard him speak. I think his oratory skills, and his OWN "Hope" for change in Washington really is what got him elected.

But let's face it. From most perspectives, it looks like he's just bent over and taken it up the ass from the Republicants (please replace that 'a' with a 'u' and you'll have a far more accurate description from my vantage point. Oh, was this supposed to be a family site? No one told me).

On the other hand, I believe he walked into a nearly impossible situation. The world expected him to fix the monumental blunders of the past 8 years simply by snapping his fingers - *poof* magic! It's all disappeared and our idyllic lives may now begin. We expected too much. I think *he* expected too much!

Washington has been nearing a stalemate for a loooooong time now. But with a R-heavy Senate and a D-President, we should have seen a lot of this coming. Obama is/was an idealist, from what I can tell. He really *wants* to create the change he campaigned on. He has been stymied at every turn. He would get criticized by Republicans if he was unwilling to compromise. And if he was willing to compromise, he would get criticized by the Democrats. How the heck is the guy supposed to get anything done at ALL???

I have to wonder at this point if it's even POSSIBLE to change what's going on in Washington. Is it time to revolt? Is it time for the people to say "This isn't right! You people need to start representing US and not big business!" What all SHOULD we be demanding? I know it's not what we've got right now, and it's not what I'm hearing the Republicans demand!

I feel bad for Obama.

Whew! We made it!

Camping! Well, it was certainly a trip we'll be talking about for a long time! That's good, right?

First two nights were fairly uneventful. We found our way to our campsites, somehow figured out how to build a fire, got our tent set up, had meals cooked over an open flame...it was all good.

But the third night, at our campsite near Yosemite, we had...a BEAR...run through. I knew we'd be fine. The bear was chased off into the woods by other campers, and we all had our food stored away properly. But the kids were completely and utterly freaked out and scared out of their minds. You know those cartoons where they depict fear by having knees knocking together? Yeah, that's what was happening...plus sobbing and begging to go home. The compromise was that we got in the car, drove down to Oakhurst, and slept in the car - with the promise that they would "Harden the f*&k up" (words on a bracelet given to me by a good friend).

The next night was totally uneventful. Even our drive back into Yosemite, hiking, etc. We started back home, going through the valley. JUST as we got to the uppermost viewpoint (the valley side of the long tunnel, if you're familiar with the area) the car's hybrid electrical system warning light pops on! WHAT??? It's running FINE! We've had no drops in power, no "pops", no indications that anything might be wrong!

But this is the last spot where we will have phone service for another 45-50 miles or so. My sister-in-law texts us the phone number for the nearest Toyota dealer and they tell me that I should be able to nurse the car down there (about 85 miles, as it turns out) on just the gas engine, but that I'm looking at repairs ranging anywhere from $550 for a busted inverter pump, or $4,000 (!!!!!!!!!) for a dead hybrid battery! So I'm pretty well freaked out at this point.

We finally manage to get down to Clovis (where the dealer is located), but the service area is closed now. So we had to stay the night in a hotel. I gotta say, having a shower that evening made ALL the difference in the world!

I took the car in to the service department first thing in the morning, and luckily it turned out to just be the inverter pump. BUT they won't have the part in for several more days. So they agree to pay for a rental car so we can get home and so I can come back and pick up the car in a week.

Here's the thing though...have I mentioned that I'm currently unemployed? And on Food Stamps? Yeah. I've no idea where I'm going to come up with this money.

Wish me luck! The adventure continues!

Camping preparations! OCD much?

I mentioned in an earlier post that the kids & I are going camping next week. Now, you need to realize that, except for camping out with 2500 cyclists and roadies a couple of years ago during the AIDS LifeCycle, I don't think I've been camping since I was about 10 years old. And I'm not so sure it was real wilderness camping. It may have been cabins...in a campground...with lots of other kids & camp counselors and tons of supervision.

Did I mention that we're REALLY camping? Tents & sleeping bags type camping? Making your food over a fire (which you have to build yourself, btw) camping? OOOF! What HAVE I gotten myself into?

Well, I figure it's gonna be an adventure of epic proportions at the very least. I'm totally excited about it...and the kids were too. Until...

Their dad. Yeah. Their dad is afraid of trying new things. He's not exactly the adventurous type. He's afraid of the water. Told the kids he couldn't float. They were afraid to go in our pool for the first 2 years we lived here. Now their starting to really learn to swim and it's great!

But in the last few days their dad's been telling them about how hard camping is, that they might run into bears, the weather could be bad, all sorts of things. So they're beginning to get a little bit less excited now. They're worried...mainly about bears.

It's hard to combat that. I can tell them about the precautions we'll take, the very miniscule chance that we'll even SEE a bear, tell them how to act if we DO see a bear, etc. But they've already got that fear in their heads.

Regardless, I fully intend to show them as great a time as I possibly can. MY one fear is that it ends up being boring and too hard and they don't end up enjoying themselves.

I guess I have one other fear: Having enough food. I sat down over the last couple of days and planned meals, including a couple of snacks, for each day we'll be gone. I made a list of everything we needed to take. And I went to the market today. I SWEAR I didn't buy things that were not on that list. Yet I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I bought WAY too much food. Now, if we had a big SUV for the 3 of us and all our gear, that would be one thing. But all we have is a little 2001 Prius, with a half-way decent trunk...into which we need to fit all that camping gear (tent, chairs, stove, utensils, sleeping bags, pillows, etc.) AND food.

Perhaps the solution is to just take a ton of ziploc baggies filled with individual portions that I do up before we leave, hope that I figure enough for us not to go hungry, and leave the rest at home. Yes? ACK! I'm thinking something along the lines of LifeCycle-style packing: All your gear for each day stored in one really big bag...7 bags in your luggage. Or in our case, 5 bags of food for each of us, portioned out into sub bags for each meal & snack.

Oy, I feel my OCD coming on full force!

This is gonna be interesting.

Let's be honest...

I like stirring the pot. I get a little perverse pleasure out of seeing certain kinds of people get all in a huff over something I've said - especially when it was truly meant completely innocently. At the same time, I get really annoyed at intractable, heel-digging "ideals".

I don't pretend that some of my political and religious beliefs are shared by many others. I'm liberal. Really liberal. I'm not a Democrat. I'm an Independent. But it pisses me off that I don't get a real vote in the Primaries because of this (yeah, I'm even annoyed at the fact that we don't get more than 2 choices on the ticket at the end of the day either...grrrrr).

But I absolutely believe in the right, and even duty, of the public to engage in conversations about the issues facing this country - us, as individuals in this country - today. So when someone on my Facebook page says he's going to block posts from anyone who posts anything minutely political, I get annoyed.

Look, there's no question that we're all entitled to have whatever we do or do not want appearing on our homepages. But this person was suggesting that those of us that post our opinions shouldn't do so because our views aren't shared by all - regardless of our political leanings. I couldn't disagree more.

This person also suggested that a forum such as Facebook was inappropriate for such "discussion". Again, I couldn't disagree more. I personally find a place like Facebook to be PRECISELY one of the MOST appropriate forums to generate conversation.

What it comes down to for me is this: The only way for there to ever be change in this country is if we, the People, get involved. Even if it's simply having conversations amongst ourselves - between people who happen to agree, but even more importantly between people who disagree! For how else are the various "sides" going to find common ground except to discuss the issues from all perspectives?

Wouldn't it be nice if Washington could figure out how to do that as well? Then again, if the humble masses are incapable of doing so, why should they?

SALE! Quick, ends tomorrow!

The kids & I are going hiking this next week. I figured it was the cheapest way to still give us a vacation away from home. We're borrowing camping equipment from friends and neighbors, and packing tons of food (yes, we'll find the food lockers at the campgrounds so we don't attract bears! But I realized a few days ago that the kids & I didn't really have any hiking-appropriate shoes. Their dad pretty much just buys them Vans-style shoes. They're great for school, and of course I'm not going to complain since I can't afford to buy them shoes at ALL right now. But it was a concern. So I asked him if he'd be willing to find hiking shoes for them before we go. He agreed (WOW!), but understandably didn't want to spend $50-$60/pair for shoes they'd use this one week then outgrow before getting to use them again.

Well, since I needed a pair as well, and being unemployed I don't HAVE much money to spend, I went hunting for a deal yesterday. Tried the big sporting goods store at the mall - nothing under $100. Awesome. I don't know why I even bothered. But then I went to the Big 5 not too far away. They had a GREAT sale going on!! Select shoes (and other items in the store as well) were at deep discounts! I managed to get these shoes for $20 for each of us! Ok ok...the kids are gonna kill me that we all have THE SAME SHOE! I took them over for the kids to try on at their dad's and my DD's first comment was "Mom, I'm not really into brown shoes. Couldn't you get them in pink? Maybe with Hello Kitty on them?" Ummmm...nope. We're gonna be shoe triplets.

All that to say that if you're needing any camping or sport supplies, head on over to Big 5 right now and see about this sale. I've been immensely pleased with them the last few months! Even got air mattresses for $20 back in June.

One caveat: These are cheap-ish shoes. Not bad quality, so far as I've been able to determine. But the interior foot cushioning leaves a bit to be desired. I recommend getting insoles for support and comfort. They don't need to be the expensive ones though. Just a simple, little insert at Rite Aid would do (3 for $15).

Vote for my friend!

April & I have known each other since attending an arts high school together. We've had a few ups & downs in our friendship, but I'm very happy to be able to call her "friend". She writes a truly excellent blog. I know I've got a grand total of 2 followers here (LOL), but you should still check her out and vote for her page. She's been nominated as a Top 25 SoCalMom blogger (rightfully so, I might add)

Vote here.

Oh hi again!

Boy, I'm not very good at keeping up with this, am I? Ok, new resolution: I will post 1 new entry each week. I need to hone my writing skills anyway, so why not here. No one's reading it anyway :-P

So, since my last post in March there've been a few events:

1) I was let go from my job
2) Got to spend a week in Tennessee making music and hanging out with dear friends
3) Am now on the CalFresh program (what used to be called Food Stamps. Gotta love re-branding)

So, what do I do? I'm not really sure yet. I'm applying for jobs all over the place, and in the meantime trying to put my skills out into the universe to try and get at least *some* income from working at home. I've just gotten my business cards in the mail (and I must say, they look great), my business website is about to relaunch, I'm working on inexpensive marketing materials, trying to become a social media "expert" (I'd say I'm already a bit of a power user, but I wouldn't say that I've learned how to monetize that use yet - since I spend so much time within the social media realm, it might be good to figure out a way to get PAID for it, no?), planning my school strategy, volunteering for the South Pasadena Arts Council, making a half-hearted attempt to be more fit, potty training my cats (yeah, you read that right), figuring out how to deal with my ADHD/OCD, and most of all...trying to be the best mom I can. Afterall, I've got all this "free" time right now. What a shame it would be to waste it all!

I find though that I have way too many things to pull my attention every day - this is especially bad for someone with ADHD. Where I used to think I was this amazing multi-tasker, I've had to come to grips with the fact that just having all these balls in the air isn't multi-tasking. Nothing...and I mean NOTHING was actually being done well. Most things were kinda sorta eventually mostly getting done. But there wasn't a single activity that I could sit back at the end of and say "yeah, I did that the best I possibly could have done. I'm pleased with it on all levels."

Clearly I haven't figured out how to modify this behavior yet though. I'll keep trying. In the meantime, I guess I figure I've got all this "spare" time...why not fill it to the brim!!

How do YOU manage to find a balance?

Popping up to say 'hi' again...

Yeah, I'm clearly not very good at keeping up with this blog.  Y'know, I think it's because I spill my guts on just about every annoying detail of my life over there on FB.  Ok, not quite EVERY annoying detail, but an awful lot of 'em.

I had a lovely little bout of mid-life-crisis depression there last week.  You know the sort of thing, I'm sure...the whole "what have I actually accomplished in 40 years?", "Oh hey, look at all that debt I've racked up", "Oooo...nifty, a thoroughly failed marriage under my belt!"...and the list could go on.

Fortunately I have kind of an awesome dad that lets me spew my depressing diatribe via email and he writes back and tells me how I'm using all the wrong factors for measuring my accomplishments by this age.  And he made an awful lot of valid points.  I was looking at the fact that my parents were purchasing their 2nd house by the time they were 40; we had lived in Europe for several years; my dad had a career that would suit him for a lifetime...but he reminded me that not only were those different times, but also extraordinarily different circumstances than what I find myself in today.  He did actually make me feel better in the end.

Then there's this reading I've been doing about a rather serious subject:  Adult ADD.  Not ADHD.  There's a big difference.  I've joked for years about having this, but it's become less and less funny and MUCH more serious and difficult to deal with.  Unfortunately, without insurance I'm not likely to be able to get an official diagnosis, nor manage to find out if medication would help.  Certainly over the years I've tried many of the non-medicinal strategies that books and websites suggest.  But I have a really hard time sticking to routines of any sort.  I suspect a light dose of something to calm the brain waves down to begin with might make things easier in that regard - which could not only help ME get better control of my life, but help me help my KIDS to gain more control as well.  See, the thing is, I'm pretty certain I've been dealing with ADD my entire life.  My school career would be the greatest indicator of it.  But so would my attempts at being a Virtual Assistant, or learning music, or any number of other activities.  Maybe this is a topic I'll delve into more deeply here.

OH, and the impetus for even writing a new post tonight?  Another friend of mine over on FB, a friend from high school actually, just started his own blog on blogger tonight (this morning?) and I think it's going to be terrific.  Go check him out!  It's called "My Bitchen Life" and it should be linked under the blogs I "Follow".

Ok, that's it for tonight. 'Night.

The wheels keep on turnin'

It's been an odd week of ups and downs.  But it all works out in the end.

Firstly, the kids & I had a possible opportunity to move into a 3BR unit in the same apartment complex we've lived in for almost 4 years.  It would make me immensely happy to be able to give both kids privacy of their own as they get older.  But there were some obstacles to be overcome, and, while I think they could still be dealt with, I've come to the conclusion that we are probably better off waiting until the next 3BR unit comes available - which may be as soon as July.  There are multiple benefits to waiting: The opportunity to truly get back on our financial feet before rent goes up with the bigger place; NOT having to pay to replace the carpets we'd pulled up a couple of years ago; AND, the unit we will likely be able to get into in July has an additional 1/2-bath, so it will ultimately be more useful for us.

Getting to that place of being ok with not moving was a struggle though.  I fought hard all week to try and overcome the obstacles that were in our way - spent a lot of time on my budget, at school finding out specifics about upcoming loan disbursements, attempted to get loans for money we were going to be short, did the taxes, advertised our current unit, SHOWED the unit to a bunch of different people, and just generally fretted quite a bit.  But in the end there's been a kind of peace to at least knowing where we're going to be for the next good bit.

There've also been other interesting things brewing:  An interview for an organization I would LOVE to work for - and could see myself being a part of for a very long time to come (hoping for a second interview and ultimately for getting the job itself); Even newly revealed responsibilities in my current job that are closer to what I was originally hired to do in the first place!

I have to say also that it's been a wonderful thing to have my weekends back.  For the nearly 4 years I was solely working from home doing legal transcription there was really never a day I could take off and not be worrying about doing enough typing to earn enough money.  It was tough when that job ended, but it's been SO wonderful in some ways to be once again working in a job that generally allows me to take most of my weekends off.  I may not actually TAKE all my weekends off, but having that freedom to do so definitely makes my time with the kids all that much better.

And speaking of time with the kids, my current struggle is helping my daughter with her ever-increasing 4th grade homework load.  Add to that the fact that she's struggling so badly in math that her teacher is considering recommending that we hold her back next year, and we've got ourselves a pretty heavy load.  She does NOT want to be held back, and I don't believe that ultimately she SHOULD be held back.  But with the addition of extra math practice every day, which takes away from her free time to play with her friends, we have quite a few emotional standoffs every day.

But ultimately, I have to say that this last week has been a vast improvement over the previous first couple of weeks of the year and I truly believe that 2011 will end up being an excellent year for our little family!

The jury is in...

At just 5 months shy of my 40th birthday, I am finally on call for jury duty -for the FIRST time ever!  I certainly wouldn't say that I'm particularly excited about this.  But it is, afterall, my civic duty.  Day 1, I don't have to go in.  I'm crossing my fingers that I don't have to go in at ALL this week, but we shall see.

The BLAMMO moment!

Here I was all gungho with this blog thing when I started out.  Then I quickly lost momentum and life got a little crazy, etc. etc. etc.  Perhaps with the new year I should attempt to keep this up more regularly.

I've had a few things on my mind as of late - stressors that have caused a fair amount of consternation.  I'm SO ready to be done with those things.  It's time to formulate a "plan" for getting where I want to be.  'Course, the first thing to do would be to actually know what it is that I really WANT!

I have a very dear friend who has also recently been going through a lot of life changes lately - a divorce, moving back in with her parents, beginning a new relationship, a new job, now moving into her own place, etc.  But from the start, she's had one major goal - to move to Hawaii.  She just didn't know how to make that happen.  A few days ago (literally, less than a week ago), it all seemed to fall into place.  She has a plan, and even a backup plan, that gets her where she wants to be in 3 months!  But this didn't happen by just saying to herself "self, I need a plan".  No, it happened in bits and pieces for awhile, until one day - BLAMMO!  It all became crystal clear and fell into place!

I need my "BLAMMO" moment!  My friend has suggested that finding my "quiet place" might be a good way to get myself to that moment of clarity that I need - she kinda has a point.  It's hard to find real moments of quiet with 2 elementary-school-aged kids, an ass of an ex-husband, and all the other normal "noise" of life.

This coming week I will be kid-free for the first time in quite awhile.  And by "kid-free", I don't mean just a couple of days or a few hours without my kids around.  I mean, for the first time in 7 months, I will have almost an entire week off from them.  While there's lots of regular life stuff to still deal with during these days, I think I'm going to take some time to try and find that quiet place.

Happy New Year, y'all!